The Marriage Principle

As a member of the LDS church we are taught many principles: Faith, Repentance, Obedience, Sacrifice, Thrift, and my favorites, Trustworty, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly Courtous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, Reverent. Thank you Scouting.

Well I'm by no means the perfect man, as much as any woman wished to view me as such, and I have made more than my share of mistakes. FORTUNATLY enough for me, God gave us the ability to LEARN, and just as magicial as that teachable TV remote, we too can gain knowlege and understanding, and application into principles we only had a remote chance of learning.

This leads me to the Marriage Principle. You see, until I figure out this principle, my life will be forever focused on the next great gaget, the next exotic vacation, and how to not be sitting alone watching someone else's great history.

So what does the Marriage Principle entail you ask? I don't know. If I knew it I'd probably be married. But seeing as I've been dating for 13 unlucky years, I seem to have learned a few things about getting closer to being hitched.

1. Self-less-ness --Just as you don't like selfish people, any good relationship is based on self-less acts. There are 2 types of self-less acts. The first is opening doors, commenting on how nice they look (sincerely folks!), buying them Victoria Secret underwear...wait not a good idea, nor self-less. Ok, but the second is like unto more self-lessness. This is the biggie, this is finding them in a negative state and leaving them in a positive state. These are the large emotional deposits--because they could not do what they wanted to themselves.

Another element of this self-less-ness is truly getting to know all people and seeing them as they should be seen--as a child of God. This principle is similiar to tithing--you must constantly be sowing kindness for others. Others = all others. Not the cool kids, not people in your social group, class, nor only lower classes. This does three things: 1) It gives you a larger group of friends 2) It gets 3rd person selling or testimonials from others that you are a great person. 3) It gets you better at conversations, sincerity, and kindness. 4) It has magical powers that the universe is working for you.

So these large emotional deposits are VERY DIFFICULT to make. Why, they almost always require not cool sacrifices, it could take time out of your busy Smallville watching schedule. They could cost some money, time, frustration, etc. BUT the net benefit is immense. The person usually is in dire need and you are the knight in shining armor that rescues them. Yes, guys women are looking for that knight still , but it is usually for something far, far, and away different than slaying the dragon. It could just be the company christmas party. Speaking of which....

Marriage Principle #2

Planning. I hate to plan, and if I can, I'll show up at a place right on time and figure it out. Society has changed. Women used to wait by phones for their man to call. In today's society, women are in very high social towers, and they expect that you have a pretty good plan to get them out. And believe you me, they aren't letting down their hair. Somewhere, they got together and laid out a game plan for men to get them out of their towers so they can go check out the local tourture muesem (Krimenialmuseum).

Their plan is as follows:

1. Man approaches tower too quickly---eaten by dragon
2. Man's armor is not shining -- empailed by a spear
3. Squires need not apply
4. Man calls fair maiden on Thursday, fair maiden has locked the tower and is now playing with her other fair maidens.
5. Man constructs a well made wooden ladder, and fair maiden burns it because it isn't an iron ladder.

You can see how this is going. It now doesn't matter who you are or how many dragon's you've slain, or the great knight that has taught you, without a good strategy the fair maiden will never come out, and if you do get her out, you must beware least you end up at the Krimenalmuesuem.

So what is the man to do, the only thing he can, play by their rules, when you play by the rules, you win, when you don't you can't no matter how hard you try.

So men, don that shiny armor, get you a nobel steed, and most of all devise a great strategy to get the maiden, and if you don't eventually you'll find a madien who happens to like you and your armor chinks and all.