One Unlucky Guy

So you may have already figured out the story, but I’ll tell it anyway. Last Saturday I decided I’d get on my good road bike and go for a good ride.

(I understand you might think I’m talking about my new Harly-Davidson that I don’t own but this next sentence will confirm the otherwise.)Perhaps by next blog I’ll have a picture of me in my oh so sexy spandex (stupid sexy Flanders!). There is a good reason that superheros wear spandex. They are

1. Confident

They are shouting from the world top, I so very confident about my body, that there isn't an inch I'm concerned about, because I'm conserned about everything, and my body isn't one of them.

2. Wind resistence

Let's be pratical here. If you're flying at Mach 100 the last thing you need is your jacket filling up with air slowing you down or even whiping you so hard it brings you to tears.

3. Durability

Seeing the superheros alteregos don't typically have high paying daytime jobs, i.e. Newspaper reporter, Newspaper photographer, you get the picture, and seeing that they fight crime, a usually very dirty job, their attire should be quite stong, and spandex streaches and doesn't tear easily.

Ok so maybe I'm not quite that confindent or helpful to the world, but the spendex does help with the wind. On with the story!

So after going for a while, I’m feeling good, my attire insecurities have dissipated and I’m well on my way to winning something. (Because I’m trying to win even when there is no one to compete with, except for myself of course).

The next thing I know I’m in Farmington (coming from bountiful) and I’m still feeling like I need some more ride. Ok, what the heck, (which I usually don’t use because heck denotes you are an un-cool Mormon--i.e. Napolean Dynamite—although he’s real cool, gosh!). I therefore decided to bike another 10 miles or so to my parents house.

I’m soon pushing hard up highway 89 when all of the sudden, CHINCK, GRIND, ARRRRRRGGHH, BLAHHHHHH, (through the pirate noise in for good measure), my entire rear deralier came through the metal beam by the spokes and up to the front derailer. I understand you might not be firmiliar with the interworkings of a bike, so I will illustrate with this dandy picture:


So need less to say, I was left pretty stranded. Luckily had my cellphone with me and I decided to call my parents to see if they could come and rescue me. They had decided to do what all good empty nesters do, they went grocery shopping together (at the health food store in Riverdale), and they said they get there as soon as they could.

So I must have been still feeling quite secure with my spandex suit, because I began to run with my bike. This was kind of fun as I was still getting my exercise time, and I was still bonding with my bike.

After running for about 15 minutes, a Honda Element pulls over about 100 yards from me.

Oh no, I thought, I’ll have to tell this Good Samaritan soul that I don’t need their help and that my parents are coming to get me. As I get closer to the crossover vehicile, a girl gets out, and she’s quite cute even.

“Would you like a ride?” she asks?

“No, I’m ok, I yell, I have family coming, but thanks so much for stopping!”

“OK!” she yells back. And gets into here good looking blue car and…..

‘Wait!’ I quickly think, ‘You are cute and nice!’ ‘I must be the biggest idiot in the world!’ But the moment had passed.

Suddenly the heavens are opened and I’m shown a vision of the last scene from Dumb and Dummer (Now would I be the dumb one or the dumber one?) when the Hawaii tropic bikini team stops to find two guys to help them put lotions on.

In the classic words, those have got to be two lucky guys. Yes, I could have easily called my parents back and let them know I was taken care of, but sometimes you aren’t ready for such things, but then you have something to write about.

So, the moral of the story is always be ready for good things to happen in your life or you just might be one unlucky guy.